The ABCs of Waiting for Referral

By Jennifer Maslowski

The ABCs of Waiting for Referral:

Ask everyone about baby names and then laugh at all of their suggestions.

Buy clothes that will be the wrong size and/or gender.

Cook meals big enough for 3 and then wonder why your spouse is getting so large.

Drop hints to your social worker about checking in with the CCAA and then worry that they will get irritated.

Eat anything that's not moldy and then wonder if you and your spouse will have to buy yourselves extra airline seats.

Field 213 daily calls from friends and relatives asking if there is any news.

Go shopping for necessary baby items and then freak out that each one you buy will jinx or delay your referral.

Have nightmares about getting to China and being handed a sack of flour wearing a blanket sleeper.

Itemize your packing list at least 25 times.

Joke about getting a referral for a 17 year old boy and then secretly worry that it will happen.

Kill a ladybug by accident and then cry uncontrollably for two hours.

Lose your mind, then get it back. Repeat as needed.

Mention "I'm expecting a baby this fall" to anyone who will listen. Then giggle when they look at your flat belly.

Needle your spouse about anything slightly shady in his/her past that might be delaying your referral.

Order Valium off the Internet from some sketchy company in South Africa.

Pester your Frequent Flier program about how many seats they have left for every single day in the next year.

Quarrel with anyone who asks "Why are you adopting internationally when there are so many needy babies here at home?"

Register for baby gifts at several large discount super centers only to realize that they all use Chinese sweatshop labor.

Switch to socially responsible stores for your baby registry and then listen to your family complain about the prices.

Take an infant CPR class and freak out when you drop the doll on its head.

Update your immunizations and then beg for a lollipop because those shots hurt!

Vodka. `Cause you can, unlike those silly pregnant ladies.

Worry. A lot. About everything.

X-ray proof your photo bag so you won't lose one frame of your new baby sleeping, pooping, screaming, crying, vomiting, or ignoring you.

Yell at your pet/spouse for not being a baby. Then hug him/her because, at the moment, it's all you have.

Zorro. Z is always for Zorro.